everything means nothing to me.

It's getting close to Christmas time, correct? I'm iffy on this subject. Christmas is all good if you're like legitimately young... I no longer want/need anything presents wise. Not that I would get it anyway... because this year I am getting money to pay for school. I mean, I appreciate it. But... there's just no point. I guess the Tree is pretty, but does anyone know the significance behind it? That's what I'll do tonight. I mean, how does that have anything to do with Jesus, or whatever? Besides presents, family time would be a plus, if I felt like I got along with my family most of the time. Which, I guess I do, but I let the bad overcome the good, and I guess that isn't really fair to anyone. But like, my sister... is seriously becoming a pain. Whether she means it or not, you don't tell someone that you hate them, especially not family. Not cool, dude. She'll see in the end.
Also, I'm out of a job now? That's really cool. I got fired/quit. Who even knows? I honestly loved that job, but soon enough no one will have a job there. That company is failing and everyone knows it, so off to the bigger and better. But school is paid for, and THAT is cool, my friend.
I've also decided that I miss my old life, and then I decided, I have a few old lives and I'm not sure which one I miss. There's two separate parts of high school. Then there's UNA. And then there's Summer. And then there's now. I don't even know which parts I miss anymore... I just don't agree with change, until after the fact. And one day, I miss this "life" too.

And then there's this book. Paper Towns by John Green. Please read it.

"Maybe it's more like you said before, all of us being cracked open. Like, each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And these things happen— these people leave us, or don't love us, or don't get us, or we don't get them, and we lose and fail and hurt one another. And the vessel cracks open in places. And I mean, yeah, once the vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable. Once it starts to rain inside the Osprey, it will never be remodeled. But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and we finally fall apart. And it's only in that time that we can see one another, because we see out of ourselves through the cracks and into others through theirs. When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out."
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