I can count on the sun to shine.

Honestly, I'm not much in the mood for writing right now. But, I'm going to. I got a text last night, thanks CJ. I feel like most of my blogs consist his name, but at least it isn't obsessing over what I can't have. I'm glad I don't feel that way. But, there is something wrong with me.. I don't like it. This week has been a huge disappointment. First of all, I'm not happy with my completely boring days. I'm not happy with my lack of friends, I guess you could say? And, I feel like something is just missing overall. Incomplete. I feel stupid for saying all of this too, doesn't sound like the Alex I know. 'Cause I'm always happy. So, back to the text. I haven't talked to CJ in about 2 weeks, I knew he'd text me sooner or later. I hoped for never. I don't know how to put it, but CJ likes to piss you off just to pull you right back in. It was a friendly conversation, I'm usually nice to him. He brought up Maggie, and told me the situation there.. what I really think is that... CJ has friends, but he and I have always and will always click. We get each other, like we are going through the same thing constantly. So, I think he texts me because he doesn't have a connection like that other than me. Of course he has friends, and so do I, but both of us have a separate connection, than "friends." I really can't find the words to describe it. But, imagine.. We dated on and off for 2 years, put up with each other and knew what upset one another. I don't know if I'll ever know anyone better than CJ. We can't ever seem to get away from each other, and I've let everything go, and he isn't in my thoughts constantly. But, I know and love him, no matter what. Not the "i'm in love with you" kind of love, but the... I'm stuck with you love. Like, I'm stuck being his friend, because I've been here since the beginning. I think that is why it was always so hard for me to let go of our relationship, because it was so strong. That keeps me different from being "obsessed." Now that I've completely covered this blog with CJ's name, let's move on to another subject. But first, I mean... if this is what I have to talk about, a previous failed relationship, my life can't be too bad. I'm going to watch Shrek with Tori tonight at 10:15, we are getting along, a lot better since I have moved off to UNA, and moved back. She grew up a lot this year, I think. She still acts childish sometimes, but she is a child. She got completely out of control last night, and she has the worst attitude, but Granny and I are working on that. We have decided to completely thrown out the belt, and are going to start pulling privileges, she needs to act right when Mommy gets home or all hell will break loose. Mommy will deal with her for the first few months, maybe, and after that... I don't know how long she will be able to handle her. I'll be paying for myself this fall at UNA, my fault. Hopefully I can get some loans, because I won't be getting financial aid due to my GPA. It is definitely a lesson learned. I'm getting excited about fall recruitment, hoping for the best of course. I've heard the horror stories about some of the girls, and I won't be able to take much of that. I'm not very patient.
"Caught in the in-between a beautiful disaster."