This Photograph Is Proof.

I am completely in love with Taking Back Sunday, not the members, just more of... the lyrics. I am so inspired by them. They have a song for every moment in my whole life. I connect so well with their music. Let's Talk. Guilt, can someone tell me where that comes from? I can almost promise you it's from a complex that I've been given, thank you rumors. Once you have been told something so much, I think it makes you hate it and resent anything about. There is no feeling after that, you hate it because that is your mind... and I've never felt this way about anything except this. And, I'm scared that my feelings won't ever change, and I'll always feel this way. I wish people understood what they were doing when they said mean things to others. Not just me, but I've witnessed it many times... and you can't say things like that to anyone, how many people kill themselves because of things like this? I mean, trust me... I will never kill myself, but just sayin'. I told my grandmother that I think there is something wrong with me, I think I have an early case of Alzheimer's. Is that possible? I'm only 18. Memory-loss, already? Man.. Anyway, here is why. I was born in Atlanta, and I have a hard time remembering my childhood, and some of my high school memories. My grandmother's reply was, "maybe you just wanted to block it out." At first, I argued that logic because I didn't understand why I would want to block out my high school years, they were my favorite. But, I've thought about it, and maybe I am blocking it out, my high school years were great... but a lot happened that I struggled with. My dad, boys, lost friendships. "Boys" sounds dumb, but... I felt that I was very in love with this boy, and the relationship struggled. Anyway, I seriously could have blocked those parts out. Or maybe I have forgotten a few things because everyone that I knew has drastically changed, everyone does at one point. My mood changes a lot depending on the song that is playing, random. I'm moving home for the summer and re-doing my room. Get excited. I as of now, have pictures completely covering the walls. I'm sick of that. I can't stand looking at the walls with my past written all over them. Like I said, maybe I do block out my past. I hope to make the room look bigger by taking all the furniture out, and putting my bed on the floor. I shall be painting it, and showing people who I am, as much as I can through my room. Well, the rest of my life is for another night.
"Every day is a gift." I betcha didn't know that did you?